Reason Why I Didn’t Sleep Last Night

And no, it wasn’t an interesting reason. I will give you one word:

COMMUTE.

There I said it. I am nervous as hell. I start a new job today, and this job entails a commute of probably 30- 45 minutes each way.

Am I worried about my first day on the job? Heck no. That happens behind a desk with friendly people giving me stuff like my new email address and telling me how the catalogue works.

I am worried about the commute. Worried, might actually be an understatement. Giving myself an ulcer while my hands tremble and I restrain from drinking the whole bottle of whiskey might be more accurate. Here are my reasons:

1) The likelihood of a horrible death involving twisted metal and the removal of limbs will increase exponentially.

2)Montreal’s drivers. They are insane- they rival their ancestors back in France for sheer temerity and righteous wrongness and are likely to be the cause of point #1 occurring.

3) The surreal design of the highways. I am sure your city has a system of interconnected highways that have nice signage and rational exit ramps. Here, people exit and merge at the SAME place. (Actually, maybe Salvador Dali did have something to do with the design. I should look it up.) If you happen to be in the right lane (where the slow, timid traffic is, like me) Watch out! The merging traffic will not slow down just because you were in the lane first- they will honk at you, raise their middle finger and curse you. This was a lesson I learned yesterday when I went through a dry run.

4)Road rage. Not other people’s, my own. After the run-in with that guy yesterday- I was yelling obscenities right back at him. And my two children were in the back seat. This worries me, because even as a pedestrian I tend to blow a gasket with the traffic. Which leads me to my next point:

5) An increased risk of heart failure due to stress and/or blowing a gasket because yet another asshole cut me off. Seriously.

6) The price of gas. It is up to 1.34 a litre! I won’t be able to afford to go to work.

7) The stress a monstrous carbon footprint will induce and lead to point #5.

Tomorrow, I will try to take the train although it is almost as hard as Heidegger to figure out.
If I live to see another post, you’ll know my first day was a success…

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