In Praise of My Marriage

It’s funny. I can talk about my children, about puberty, about pin worms and yet I have difficulty talking about my marriage.

Why? Because it works. I don’t know how or why, but not only does it work, it gets better with every year.

We are at the stage in our lives right now where there are more divorces than weddings. In the last couple of years good friends, family members, acquaintances we know seem to be buried under the weight of crumbling relationships (a feeling, I am sure, that is not unlike having a building fall on top of you). They have to find a way out of the emotional rubble, pick themselves up, shake themselves off and stand on their two legs, a little shakier than before, but still standing. And it is painful and sad to witness.

What am I trying to say? I guess that I don’t like to broadcast it, because it feels smug, like I am throwing the fact that I am in a relationship that works in their face. Which I don’t mean to do at all, especially since I have no idea how I got lucky enough to be with my person. But tomorrow it will be 13 years since our wedding and 15 years since we’ve been together. And as each year goes by, I feel like this is a date I want to commemorate. So, yeah. I am going to toot the horn of my own marriage for this one post. I promise I’ll keep it short.

Toot.

Just kidding.

Although no marriage can be condensed into bullet points, that’s exactly what I am going to do.

Warning: this is totally random and not meant to be a primer à la Good Housekeeping on marriage. This is just all about me. It would be different, I’m sure for you.

• We are bad at the big romantic gestures but good at the little, daily things. Eg. Last night was one of the first times we actually made it out for our wedding anniversary (just to give you an example, we spent our 1oth wedding anniversary at the movie theatre watching Spiderman 3. Without the kids.) But J prepares my coffee every night so that I have a fresh pot in the morning. I make his lunch everyday. The little things matter and everyday at 5 when I blearily stumble my way to the coffeepot, I am soooo grateful for him.
• We have our own lives and respect and support it. If J doesn’t get to the studio, he gets grumpy. If I don’t get to write or run, I get grumpy. We know this about ourselves and try to give each other the time to do what we love.
• He knows me enough to know what kind of dramatic bullcrap NOT to put up with. I appreciate that. Otherwise, I would just merrily continue along my spastically neurotic way.
• I am a better person with him in my life. I guess that’s the crux of it all. My marriage allows me to go into the world in a way I wouldn’t be able to alone. I am loved and supported and thus able to concentrate on contributing to society in my humble way. Hopefully, he feels the same.

That’s it. Here’s hoping that everyone finds their own version of marital bliss…