One who picks nits.
I am a nit picker. Let’s cut to the scene last night where I am on my haunches, my child between my legs, like some of our primate ancestors, combing through her hair with the lice comb and picking out nits with my fingers. Yes folks! School’s parting gift to us! Parasites!
Have I mentioned how much I hate school?
So here is my revised top five on my hate list:
1. George Bush– but he is leaving soon so I might have to replace him. Unless he decides to pull an emperor for life thing.
2. Celine Dion– she might move up to number one when Bush is gone. Is it wrong that I would rather my children have lice than listen to her music? Damn her for doing the Titanic soundtrack. Damn her to hell.
4. Lice– AAAAARGH. Laundry. Toxic shampoo. Itchy scratchy children who put their fingers everywhere. I hate you wee beasties and your little eggs too.
5. Montreal highways– and not only because they are about the most poorly designed roads I have ever had the misfortune to find myself on. They actually cause me to go in existential crisis mode when I find myself in the same bottle neck day after day. It is so Sysiphus, it makes me want to cry. I get to the bottle neck and life suddenly drains of all meaning, like a bathtub where somebody has pulled the plug. Then I get home and have a drink, and the existential bathtub fills right up again. Yay alcohol!