Pot Belly Etiquette

Consider this a public service announcement. Never, I mean never, unless the woman has a t-shirt with an arrow pointing downward and the word GESTATING emblazoned boldly on the front, never ask a woman if she is pregnant if you are not one hundred percent sure that she is. This is just a point of etiquette people. If she is not pregnant, it is like telling her she is fat. And trust me, I am pretty sure she will not need to be reminded. Of course, the only reason I am emphasizing this valuable nugget of information is because this happens to me frequently. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not exactly fat. I just have a belly. I would like to say it is because I have had two children and that what you see is the leftover of their stay in me. But that is not exactly true. I have always had a belly.

Exhibit A- 1996, Greece
On a “If we can survive this we can survive anything” trip to Europe with my then boyfriend now husband. We were travelling light and I only had one dress which I had shrunk at the beginning of the trip. What can I say? Empire waists were in! Although devastated at the time, looking back on it, it must have helped in terms of leaving us alone…

Exhibit B- 2006, Montreal
Seven years after having kids, I had lost weight and was exercising like a fiend. I am in the line up to enter the theatre where I willl go see my two daughters perform in their end of the year ballet extravaganza and the socially inept father in front of us turns and says, “So when’s this one coming out?”

Kill, kill, kill. Add to that countless other times (just last week a coworker of mine asked me if I was having another one) and it’s a severe blow to my self esteem. So here it is, the bare fact of the matter, the skinny ( or not so skinny) on this issue:
Short of liposuction and a personal trainer, I will always have a pot belly. So stop asking me if I am pregnant!

It is time for all my potbellied brethren to unite! Embrace the pot (in a reasonable, healthy manner, somewhat like Bruce Willis’s french girlfriend in Pulp Fiction who thought it would be sexy to grow one). For my part, I will vow not to get upset when someone asks me this oh so tactless question . I will chalk it up to their ignorance of the pot belly style revolution.

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3 Responses to Pot Belly Etiquette

  1. French Panic says:

    mutherfukkerzzzzzz! I am severely distressed to read that this is still happening to you! Why the comments on the belly – why aren’t these fools commenting on the amazing hotness that is your ass?I hope your standard response is an icy glare and a “Back off, motherfucker. I’m not pregnant, but I do have legs of steel, and I am about to use them to dropkick your ass.” And then totally dropkick their ass. Harsh? No. Guaranteed they will learn the lesson they so desperately need to.That might be hard to translate into French, but you can do it. Or keep your children with you at all times and unleash them on these stupid fukkkkkkers – especially that youngest one.

  2. French Panic says:

    One more thing – liposuction is for fat people, and girl, you are so the opposite of fat. Tummy tuck, I suppose, but you have way better things to spend your money on than plastic surgery, and really, I don’t think I have ever said it out loud to you, but you are 1. a snazzy dresser2. pretty3. sexyAKA a yummy mummy. You could also be classified as a MILF, though not from my perspective, because I like lads, not ladies.

  3. Okay French Panic- I am not sure if this is kosher to leave a comment on one’s own blog or if you will even get this, but here is my new item on my to do list:Invite French to chat (like they says at the bottom of the gmail don’t you know…)

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