Quotes of the day #4

The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it. – George Orwell
Someone should really tell this to Mr. Bush… Although I am pretty sure he has no desire to end it- way too lucrative, the pillaging of other people’s countries…

Health food makes me sick. – Calvin Trillin
I second that emotion. My sister came for the summer and was all aglow with her new raw food diet. She attempted to make me change some of my eating habits, which resulted in there being an excess of dull, grey, pebble like in consistency buckwheat (?) and pure cocoa beans (which might be good when mixed with sugar, but on their own tastes like the ass of a very bitter old woman-not that I would know- I am just imagining what the ass of a very bitter woman would taste like) on a salad. Just the thought of it makes me want to bring up all the chocolate chip cookies I ate last night.

The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from talking. – Louis Vermeil Although this is a relatively painless way of being shut out. More annoying is the people who say nothing but just louder. I can’t compete with cacaphony and would rather not try. If the speaker is eloquent, however, I might stick around…

Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book. – Edward Gibbon
Because, really, is there any other way? It must be like having children- you can’t go get your PHD in Parenting before popping the little suckers out. You don’t need to go to a school of writing to write a book. In fact, it may be preferable, as we all know that school sucks the fun out of everything.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. – Ogden Nash
And pinworms, lice, bathroom scum, rotten things molding in the bottom of forgotten lunch boxes, dirty socks stuffed where the person who does the laundry will never find them, empty milk cartons put back in the fridge….I could go on but I will stop.

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory. – Paul Fix That’s just mean. I like it.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. – Woody Allen
Tell me about it. Our plumber can only come on Thursday and in the meantime, the water from the second floor is leaking into our new drywall in our new bathtub. I hear that Montreal is the worst city for water consumption in the world and 40% of our wastefulness is due to bad plumbing. If our house is any example, I believe it. The leaking just never seems to stop…

Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule. – Stephen King
Damn. I guess it is a little like literary telephone in a way. You start out with one word and end up with a completely different one. Container, box, chest, lungs, asthma…Well, you get my drift… (Have you ever noticed the weirdness of the word asthma? What the hell is up with that spelling?

Humor is everywhere, in that there’s irony in just about anything a human does. – Bill Nye
I once told an uncle of mine that our generation seemed to be defined by its well honed sense of irony, which he took exception with. Thus ensued a very interesting discussion of the word irony and his complaint about the way people play fast and loose with it (see above quote on thesauri).
Here is how wikipedia defines it:

Irony is a literary or rhetorical device, in which there is a gap or incongruity between what a speaker or a writer says and what is generally understood (either at the time, or in the later context of history). Irony may also arise from a discordance between acts and results, especially if it is striking, and seen by an outside audience. Irony is understood as an aesthetic evaluation by an audience, which relies on a sharp discordance between the real and the ideal, and which is variously applied to texts, speech, events, acts, and even fashion. All the different senses of irony revolve around the perceived notion of an incongruity, or a gap between an understanding of reality, or expectation of a reality, and what actually happens.-Wikipedia

Basically, it means we are a generation of disillusioned idealists. Of course, one should never generalise. I am sure there are some deluded cynics in the group as well…

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I’ve ever known.
– Walt Disney
And,this is how, in one quote, one man can sum up everything that is wrong with North American society today.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
– Scott Adams
Now, now. There are no stupid people. They just act stupid…(See how easy it is to distort the mommy talk?)

The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men.
– George Eliot
Thank God. Because perfect men are sooo hard to find these days, even on Lavalife.

What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.
– Samuel Johnson
That is not always true. I find that I write with much effort and the result is still not read with much pleasure. However, I believe it takes all that grunting and groaning to produce that one magical moment where the pen begins to fly around the page as if it was moving on its own. And sometimes (not always) the result is worth reading.

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
– Jean Kerr
Yes. YES. Granted, it is a couple of hours earlier than 7:30 right now, but I feel as if my two eyes had been punched repeatedly during the middle of the night by some tiny, malevolent creature and my legs feel so heavy I am afraid they will disturb my gravitational equilibrium and I will begin to topple into myself… Other than that, I feel fine.

Only fools are positive.
– Moe Howard
Well, that is a sweeping statement. Does this mean that positive is out? Gauche, like picking your nose at the dinner table? Passé, like white tights and black shoes (okay, when did that ever look good?)? I would just like to know so that I may squash that last remnant of “things are going to be okay” line of thinking and fully adopt a sleaker, bleaker, smarter perception of the world.

Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there.
– Scott Adams
Can I have your address? Do they have email in the fantasy world? Because I am thinking of moving there permanently but I can’t survive without the internet…

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